Secon wife or co wife

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Yasmeen29
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:19 pm

Secon wife or co wife

Post by Yasmeen29 » Sat Nov 23, 2013 11:00 pm

AS-salamalekum,I'm a 41 year old convert muslim and have been married for soon 11years.I love my husban dearly and would at one point in the marriage gon to the end of the earth to make him happy and it is/was nutral.Before we got married we sat down to have a talk a but things and one of the things we talkt a but was children,her is the problem(it is now any way).I had come out of a bad marriage some years earlier where my ex cheated on me and gave my std so I can't have children,I was devestated when I found out and disaided never to get married a gain.Then I meet my husband now,I could not been happier.But beack to the talk we had before we got married,I told him the thrut a but I could not get children,and he sad it did not matter do to he did not want children,the other thing we agreed on was not to lai and cheat on the other.We both agread that this was not going to happen,and some years a go he cheated on me outside the marriage,I most take some of the blame for it do to I was having problem with intemesi for a long time,not by chois but do to illness.I have forgiven him for that but I can't forgive that he laid to me for years,so now I don't trust him any more.So by this time he have broken his prommis to me that we both agread in the beginning.We in this period he cheated on me we went thru 3 ivf that faild,we did this do to I wanted to have more children(yes,I have on from my first marriage).But it faild,sadly.I just found out by chans that he cheated last month,and now he want to marriage a secon or co wife.I don't know wath to do,it is breaking my hart that he wants to have a secon wife.I do andersrand that in Islam he can have up to 4 wife(I will never question this)But I feel just,and lost.I would not have a problem to come to terms with this co wife if he had not been chiting on me.How do Muslim wommen around the world deal with this problem?pls help,Jazakallah

zaMmzaMm
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 9:46 pm

Re: Secon wife or co wife

Post by zaMmzaMm » Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:41 am

Wa'laykum Salaam wa Rahmahtullahi wa Barakatuh, May Allah relieve your situation, your heart, and your illness and bring your marriage back to what makes Allah pleased, Ameen.

What your husband is doing has nothing to do with Islam allowing a man to marry, one wife or more than one wife. He is using the fact that Islam does allow him to marry more than one wife as an excuse or in a way as a defense to show that his actions are allowable.

Perhaps a loose example of this can be seen in the following.. If a person eats too much they do not have a problem with the fact that Allah made food permissible. They have a problem with going to extremes and not controlling themselves. If a person wants to work as a delivery man it is not permissible for him to delivery alcohol to stores. Because it is permissible to drive, and work, and deliver things isn't the problem. The problem here would be that you cannot help others make sin.

For the man he must be aware of this. Is it a trick from Shaytan? Or is it actually that he is trying to do something that Allah made lawful. Because a man may want to marry his first wife or second wife it doesn't give him the freedom to disobey Allah. And maybe it is Shaytan tricking him to tell him that he will marry her, but he only keeps sinning. May Allah help us and him. Ameen.

If he wanted to marry a woman then he could have done it, and you would not have objected so much. But he lied to you. And he is the second husband you had that lied to you. The first matter is that you have to think about remaining married to him because of all of this. And these are major sins that he is committing in Islam. It could very well be that he will harm you again as your first husband did. The issue of being in a plural marriage is the second matter here for you. Solve the first problem you have, then you can move to the second problem.

You can read about plural marriages if you wish from the viewpoint of a Muslim sister who has written a book.
http://www.dar-us-salam.com/inside/197- ... ynynew.pdf

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